Fruit Tier List
Picture this: You want to eat a kiwi, the delicious green fruit, but don’t want to go through the process of peeling it. Instead, you elect to grab some grapes because, well, they are much easier to consume. What does that say about society? This thought exercise reveals a universal truth; some fruits are easier to eat than others.
In this blog post I will classify the 5 tiers of fruit, and the ramifications that has for consumption, and thus society in general. The tiers are in terms of approachability, how easy it is to consume a prescribed fruit, and does not have anything to do with the taste, flavor, or overall quality of the fruit. Some Tier 5 fruits I find disgusting and Tier 1 contains several of my favorite fruits. So…here are the 5 tiers of fruit, classified by approachability.
Tier 1: Small, little to no waste, little to no prep process.
Tier 1 fruits are the most approachable. They require very little forethought before consumption and limited preparation. Just grab and go’s. One eats them with little byproduct left behind and one needs to do almost nothing before popping them into mouth. Tier 1 fruits are mostly berries, blueberries, blackberries, and raspberries being the ideal Tier 1 fruits. When you eat blueberries all you have to do is wash them off, and put them into your mouth. Easy easy easy. There are some berry and berry like fruits in this category that have some byproduct. For example, you still have the stems of strawberries and the vines of the grapes. These types of fruit may be considered Tier 1.5 or maybe even Tier 2 in extreme cases (for example one cherry is very approachable, but several cherries become a burden, and don’t even get me started with a cherry pitter). Hot take: Tomatoes are very much in this category. Let’s be real: Tomatoes are fruit. Stop enabling the alt-right by classifying them as vegetables.
Tier 2: Small to medium sized fruit, little to no waste, little to no prep process
When you think of a fruit, Tier 2 is often what you have in mind. Fruits with cores or stones; peaches, plums, nectarines, apples, pears, etc. It takes a little bit of time to consume these fruit (apples usually last 8-10 bites, Apricots on the bottom end of the tier 2 spectrum with only 2-4 bites[1]). Basically, Tier 2 fruits are something you wash, bite into, and are left with some remnants, often the pit or the core, which you must then dispose of[2].
Tier 3: Medium sized fruit, requires some effort to eat, little to medium waste, prep process.
Tier 3 fruits are where things start to get a little complex. Whereas in the first two tiers one can simply bite into the fruit right off the shelf, there is an evident barrier to entry here, often literally with a peel. This category includes all citrus fruits (sans kumquats, which are clearly Tier 1) and bananas. Orange you glad I said banana[3]? One cannot simply approach and consume. No. One must approach, peel, consume (sometimes get rid of seeds), and then dispose of waste. There is a range within this category, there are soft threes, those citri that are easily peeled (tangerines and clementines) and then those behemoths that can push the limit to being Tier 4 (grapefruit and pomelos).
Tier 4: Medium to large fruit, requires some utensils to eat, medium waste, prep process.
The defining feature of Tier 4 fruit is that it requires a utensil in order to be prepared and consumed. Grapefruit and Pomelos as motioned earlier may require a knife to slice open, and some cases spoons to be enjoyed. Kiwis, Starfruit, and Mangos are often peeled and then sliced. The passionfruit shield is impenetrable without a knife. The necessity for a utensil adds another barrier to entry for the fruits in this category…thus why they are in the fourth tier of fruit.
Tier 5: Large fruit, requires some utensils to eat, significant waste, extensive prep process
Now these are the fruits that take a while to prepare, often requiring one or more utensils, significant amounts of non-edible fruit parts, and of course, are often quite big. I would say that the pineapple is the poster boy for the Tier 5 fruits, because it is relatively unapproachable but this category also includes most melons. However, the rewards of these fruits are worth the amount of preparation (although sometimes they are absolutely not…pomegranate I’m looking at you[4]).
These 5 tiers are used to classify just how approachable certain fruit are, from the very easy-to-access raspberry to the challenging and confrontational coconut all fruits can find themselves in these five categories.
So...the whole reason that I wrote this is to develop a foundation to another one of my arguments: The Kiwi Dilemma. Kiwis are excellently juicy and have amazing flavors. Further, they are quite healthy for you. However, they are typically classified as Tier 4 fruit. One needs to use a knife to cut the skin around the kiwi and then cut it into slices, which is, to say, quite a process. The effort that goes into the Tier 4 kiwi prep is often not worth the effort; kiwi contains so little fruit flesh that the prep process outweighs the eating time. At least with pineapples or mangos you know that you will be chowing for a while, perhaps have left overs.
The Kiwi Dilemma can be solved with one simple change in perspective: biting into the skin and eating the fruit like an apricot. Yeah this may be controversial. “kiwi skin is fuzzy,” you say, “you’re a sicko”. But really…the texture is not that bad at all, in fact there is a slight sourness to the kiwi skin that absolutely adds to the flavor. This, of course, makes the kiwi, which is normally perceived by society as a tier four fruit, a tier two fruit. Imagine a world where a kiwi is just as easy to access as an apple? No longer are kiwis some abstract forbidden fruit hidden away with the prickly pears and the kiwanos, rather it is a family-friendly fruit that people can just pick up, bite into, and walk out of the door, embraced by the warm sun and the cool autumn breeze. It’s a small step (or perhaps bite) but once we overcome the kiwi skin taboo and actually start biting into the fruit the kiwi will be much more popular and significant fruit. It’s 2019, we should stop judging things by their skin.
This has been my ted talk.
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