Every now and then I dig deep into my family tree and try to forage through the past actions of my relatives. There is a figure in my family mythology with the moniker “Railway Joe”. Full name: Joseph Garrison. This guy theoretically of Irish descent, fought for the Union in the American Civil War (notably at the Battle of Gettysburg), and then went to work on the New Jersey railroads scene post-war where he got his famous nickname. At this time Railway Joe married my Great-Great-Grandmother Catherine Jaeger (of Barvarian descent mind you, she had just immigrated). One day, while working in the train yards, Railway Joe was tragically killed in a horrible train-related accident. RIP Railway Joe.
Family lineage can be thought of as more myth than memory or history, we’re so removed in time from these figures and we let our imaginations do the real work of figuring out what their lives were like. Take Catherine Jaeger - we know she was the daughter of Helene and Martin Jaeger in 19th century Bavaria, but the story we know of here is all imagination compiled through shotty birth and death records supplemented with some immigration documents. And even with Railway Joe, how much is myth vs. reality?
So here’s the twist: Railway Joe is not in fact related to me by blood. Post-RWJ’s horrific train termination, Catherine would go on to marry Thomas Lolly, and from there the rest of my dad’s side of the family was established. Railway Joe’s death was actually something that resulted in my Great-Great-Grandmother finding a new husband, which resulted in the birth of Helen Lolly, my Great Grandmother. So, contextually speaking, I would not be alive had a train not mutilated Railway Joe.
I find Railway Joe to be one of those “strange relations,” people who are definitely connected to your life and ancestral story, but there really isn’t the language (yet) to classify who these people are - people who aren’t quite blood-related but are somehow connected to your sense of lineage. The point of this whole post really is just me thinking about this, relationships that are significant but aren’t officially recognized as formal relationships.
Another example of these “strange relations” are the people who used to live in spaces before you did. When I was living in Glasgow there was a couple who lived in my room prior to me. I actually became close to them during the transfer of space and we developed a friendship. But how did I explain that relationship? Similar to Railway Joe it wasn’t an easy two-degree explanation something like, “Oh they are my sibling’s co-workers”, rather the relationship is linked to a more complex narrative. They weren’t ex-housemates, as we had never actually lived together, they were “the people who lived in my room before me”.
And this is a strange but interesting relationship - the room was furnished so we had all effectively slept in the same bed be it at different points in time. We could discuss the elements of the room with intimate knowledge, things that no one else could identify unless you had spent all your nights there. But the relationship is simply unnamed because it’s not a formalized role that plays in day-to-day life. This relationship would be especially present (and perhaps fun to explore) on college campuses due to the first-year on-campus living requirement at a lot of US higher-ed institutions. Assuming there aren’t any dropouts - then that means there are 4 people who all share the same experience of sleeping on the same bed during their first year of school (double or triple this if we consider roommates)! It’s an obtuse relationship, but simply something that should go more widely acknowledged.
Anyway, that was a bit of a tangent, back to Railway Joe. Railway Joe’s death at the turn of the century is, essentially, one of the multitudes of catalysts for my eventual birth at the turn of the subsequent century. I dub my relationship to Railway Joe as my “necrorelative”, rather, a person that, had they not died, you would not be born. Obviously, not everyone has widowed great-grandmothers, but there are other types of necrorelatives. For example, serious relationships that have gone awry, fiancees that broke it off last minute, couples separated by long distances, etc. are all Necrorelatives - the multitudes of relationships that ended which in turn resulted in relationships that eventually resulted in life.
It’s weird to think of this story in a multiverse-type paradigm. There is a universe out there where there were better safety regulations in turn-of-the-century New Jersey train yards and Catherine Jaeger and Railway Joe would have had a child together, and consequently, my great-grandmother would never have been born - meaning that the entire linage would be thrown out of whack! It’s these types of considerations, that there is a whole network of “what-ifs”, that show how random and truly unique one’s existence and social reality is, how one tragic accident is one of the millions of events that snowballed into who I am.
In short, this is just the type of thinking that I’m obsessed with (perhaps unhealthily so), but it does put into perspective just how accidental (or destined if we’re thinking that way) our lives truly are. It also makes one consider - how will small actions made today snowball down the line. And I’m always on the lookout for other types of strange relations out there…if you’re reading this please let me know if there’s anything that popped into your head.
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