Over the weekend something came over me, a hunger for opulence. My eyes flickered upon the long-necked bottle, a glowing mystery. Gold - the object of desire that has shaped human history; something that has destroyed empires and brought joy as a gift. From conquistadors to prospectors to debutants and socialites. The mineral is of desire. Of power. What was this sacred mineral doing in this upstate New York liquor store? And in a bottle of alcohol nonetheless? What a delight! What a luxury! How will drinking this substance, this elixir change me? Will the taste of gold on my lips alter my experience? my worldview? Will I understand wealth and status on a never-before-known level? I made the purchase, and I walked out a changed man, with a bottle of Goldschläger in my hand.
My question here is simply - why? Why is Goldschläger? Of course it would send me down the stream of curiosity because it is shocking isn’t it? Drinking Gold - what a novelty! But why isn’t it done more? Why is there no cultural relevance to this beverage? Why does nobody talk about it? Why..Goldschläger?
Quick history: Goldschläger is a cinnamon liquor with little gold flakes floating around in it. FANCY. The gold flakes are technically 24 karat - however, they are wafer thin and it’s estimated that if one were to collect all the gold flakes in a bottle of Goldschläger it would equate to a little less than a dollar. It seems that Goldschläger is basically the spiritual successor to the Eastern European spirit Goldwasser, which is an herbal liquor with the signature gold flakes. Gilding and alcohol have a long history together, plus alchemists believed in the medical properties of Gold, so in the 16th century the pairing seemed natural. Goldwasser was loved by a Polish Czar and it production was huge in Gdansk - Goldwasser still exists and is prominent in Poland (perhaps one day I will try). But somewhere along the way Goldwasser found its way to Switzerland and evolved into the Goldschläger we know today. It is unclear where the cinnamon became the main flavor profile of the bev. From there the “product” Goldschläger got moved around a lot - first to Italy and then purchased by Sazerac, and production is now happening in Canada.
But that’s the production history. The cultural relevancy seems to…um, not be there really? Apparently, there was an urban myth that the gold flakes cut the throat which made one get drunk faster. So why not use another drink besides the cinnamon liquor? I never see images of Goldschläger in ads. There is no Goldschläger song (to be contrasted to the cinnamon contemporary of “Fireball”. Literally the only cultural standpoint is “Superbad” as one of the drinks the boys are on the mission to acquire. I never see Goldschläger at a bar, there are never Goldschläger cocktails. Do people do Goldschläger shots at bars? I never have. Who drinks Goldschläger? Is it anyone’s favorite drink? When do people drink Goldschläger? Where do they drink Goldschläger? Why is Goldschläger?
My mythological instincts developed this narrative: Goldschläger was huge in the 80s and early 90s because of the kitschy luxury associated with those times - Goldschläger, opulent musical acts like ABC, cocaine, and Sienfield all seem to be of the same aesthetic universe. Perhaps there was a spike of popularity in the early ‘00s because of the bling era of hip-hop and that passing reference in Superbad (upon further research that bling era instinct turned out to be true - see next paragraph). Let’s be clear - the selling point of Goldschläger is not the flavor, rather it’s 100% the gold. As the saying goes, it’s the gold, not the schlag. But the kitschy fun of Goldschläger faded because the faux-luxury of gold flakes was no longer culturally desirable. Did Nirvana kill the Goldschläger industry?).
I decided to check Goldschläger’s account on Instagram and it was quite funny. The first post was April 2020 and the last post was in December 2021 - so you know…the best time to advertise alcohol where people will be interacting and going to parties. Most of the posts are just generic liquor advertisements: hot people, cocktail recipes, pretty views - most with the same photoshopped image of the bottle. The last post is the best - a cocktail crafted by T-Pain called the 5 O’clock and it looks heinous. That’s Goldschläger’s Instagram account.
Because the drink seems so banally mysterious I made up a fun theory: in the heights of Goldschläger’s success they overproduced the beverage too a hubristically high amount (when would people want to stop drinking gold? bump) - and all the bottles currently sitting on the shelves of liquor stores are from the Goldschläger boom in the mid-90s. This is all imaginary - perhaps Goldschläger is doing well in sales and everything with Goldschläger is fine. But that seems unlikely, right? (see instagram). My sense is that the majority of modern Goldschläger sales are doused in irony, people only drinking Goldschläger because “wouldn’t it be funny to drink Goldschläger?”.
Anyway, back to the present: I had a bottle of Goldschläger in my hand. Never before had I tasted it. I knew it was cinnamony, but how cinnamony? I put the bottle in the freezer (because I know from experience that this is not the type of thing you drink at room-temp) and eagerly awaited the nighttime. Once it was ready we sat around the table, ready to indulge in the eloquent taste we anticipated the Goldschläger to bring us. We poured the liquid into our shot glasses, each glass with a couple of flecks of gold floating in the viscosity. We threw them back, the drink descending our throats with the fresh coldness and cinnamon-boozy burn. A golden exhale, quiver, and shake. My god. What luxury! The nectar of the gods! Is this how the 1% live? Drinking Goldschläger and eating caviar. Opulence.
In all honesty, the drink wasn’t good, but it wasn’t bad either. Overall an enjoyable liquor, especially with the freezer egress. Compared to other drinks like it (e.g. Jager or Amaretto) it was solid - assuming one likes synthetic cinnamon that is. And the gold certainly adds to the novelty of it…definitely not to the flavor.
But there was something to the gold. I read once that gold is used to increase virility and, perhaps it was placebo, in fact, it almost definitely was placebo, I really felt my virility increase. Post Goldschläger the night was endless, I was filled with energy, the eternal flow of summertime vibrations. Viril. I felt the gold coursing through my veins, halos of joy surrounding every element of the evening. Gold-tinted googles.
In all likelihood, it wasn’t the gold. It was summer, being on holiday, surrounded by friends and love. It was a joyous time. But on another hand, it was the gold - the gold, the silliness of it, the absolute comedy, is what created the gold effect. It was that little goofy twist that made the drink more than a drink, rather a conduit for virility and friendship. And maybe that’s what alcohol myopia is - when booze makes things better when things are good and worse when things are bad. And a new type of drink in times of joy would only increase this.. And maybe that’s the essence of the Goldschalger? The gold is the friendship and joy brought by such a silly beverage.
But equally as likely it was the virility of the gold cure. I mean Aztecs, right?
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